I couldn't take my wedding band off. My gut is fat. My moobs are fat. My face is fat. My HANDS are fat. But...I was able to remove the most precious piece of jewelry I've ever owned, as a function of having taken the advice of the girl whose love it represents. (You KNOW that the roundness of the gold band describes the eternity of love, right?) Uncanny.
Another thing? I sleep better. I SLEEP! With small exception (nocturnal pit-stops, LOL!) I sleep all night long. My Garmin tracks that. Used to be, I'd go to bed (after playing online word games and card games and following stream-of-consciousness nonsense threads for a good portion of the night) and sleep for oh, maybe an hour. Then I'd go downstairs, open the dishwasher so the dishes would be dry, and start reading the paper. Of course, you can't READ without EATING, right? A bunch of grapes. Or an apple. Or a banana. Or some peanuts. Or a jelly sammich. Maybe (usually) all of them; it's only little taste. Putting the jelly back into the icebox, I notice there's some spaghetti in there, behind the pickles. Crap, no sauce. Well, there's olive oil and nootch (WHAT? I haven't mentioned nootch before? Later. Gimme a sec.) And, oh, yeah, PICKLES! And, an hour or two later, I waddle my overstuffed butt back upstairs. And sleep fitfully, on and off, until daybreak.
You think I'm kidding. Don't you? I'm not. I'll make this admission more than once, before I die. I need to, because...my name is Steve, and by the Grace of God, by the Power of the Holy Spirit, and the shed blood of the Lamb of God, I am a GRATEFUL recovering addict.
And all I've done is switch substances. And, what the heck, let's face it: food is a substance. Am I unhappy? Nah, I don't think so. Am I suicidal? Jeez-o-pete, no! Is there something missing in my life? Well...proximity to our kids, maybe. I love and miss them all. The ones in NY, CT, NC, and across town. But, that's all I REALLY 'want.'
I'm medicating with food as a nasty habit. Like I did with alcohol and other less savory things. Bad day? Tilt one back. Good day? Tilt one back. Mediocre day? Tilt one back. I only drank on days that ended in 'y.' I only used at times that ended in 'o'clock.' The same way I eat. Like an addict on the prowl for his next fix. Ask me some day about the wedding reception.
'Wants?' 'Needs?' I have none. Somewhere between "coming to believe in a Power greater than myself" that would restore me to sanity and actually WORKING a faith, not just following a religion, I've realized that I have exactly that which I need. I'm blessed beyond comprehension. I'm better off than I deserve. So...why stuff? I'm not a dog; I'm not Shamu the Killer Whale. I don't do tricks for food!
I DON'T DO TRICKS FOR FOOD!
So, why am I 'rewarding' myself like I do those things? Two words: bad habit.
When Dawn asked if I was ready to get serious about this thing called stewardship, 33 days ago, I didn't say "Oh, my gosh, I have to count calories FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE???" I approached it like I approached alcoholism: One day at a time. I set a goal: 2,000 calories. As I eat, I weigh the options of "this versus that" in MyFitnessPal. Do I REALLY want five Circus Peanuts, or do I want three apples? An order of fries, or a seitan sandwich. (Hey, I make my own seitan, with no added junk, and no fat-laden calories, that's loaded with protein and vitamin B12. Recipes upon request.) I make smarter choices, and fill myself with...goodness! I've eaten more grapes and apples and oranges and bananas and veggies as SNACKS than I ever have. I drink water! Robin and I just spent a weekend on that well out back, and it flows pretty heartily. Nice, double-filtered groundwater from a tested aquifer. And, at 2,000 calories per day, I'm pretty doggone full. Never 'hungry.' And, oh, yeah: I usually have 200-300 extra calories left over at the close of my daily diary.
And, all of this leaves me (unofficially, because TOMORROW is the clothes-on, VA Clinic weigh-in) at 233.4 pounds. Now, add about 4.2# to that, and you get a rough idea of my regular weigh-in. Doing the math, I've lost 16.4#.
Now, let's put that little bit of data into perspective. Doing what my wonderful, inspiring (and let's not forget pretty darned cute) wife has suggested/begged me to do for years, I've lost .49 pounds (translate: HALF A POUND!) per DAY, for the last 33 days. I look at MyFitnessPal and see where put in where I'd like to have lost half a pound a WEEK. And, in my head, and on the scale, and in my clothes fitting better, and being able to walk almost every day, and being able to tie my shoes without becoming short of breath, I'm seeing the big flash of Morse code: "See how EASY???"
And, all of this leaves me (unofficially, because TOMORROW is the clothes-on, VA Clinic weigh-in) at 233.4 pounds. Now, add about 4.2# to that, and you get a rough idea of my regular weigh-in. Doing the math, I've lost 16.4#.
Now, let's put that little bit of data into perspective. Doing what my wonderful, inspiring (and let's not forget pretty darned cute) wife has suggested/begged me to do for years, I've lost .49 pounds (translate: HALF A POUND!) per DAY, for the last 33 days. I look at MyFitnessPal and see where put in where I'd like to have lost half a pound a WEEK. And, in my head, and on the scale, and in my clothes fitting better, and being able to walk almost every day, and being able to tie my shoes without becoming short of breath, I'm seeing the big flash of Morse code: "See how EASY???"
See how easy...?
Truth be told, I'm waiting. Waiting for the big, bright, pink cloud to pop like a cheap balloon. It's always that way. Pretty much everyone drops a mad ton of weight in the beginning, then plateaus off to a trickle. "That LAST ten pounds is on me like fur on a weasel." But you know what? That's tomorrow. Next week. Next month. If I work the steps, follow my program, and trust God, I can DO this. I can, because I KNOW I can do all things through He who is within me! 2 Corinthians 12:9 says so. I can slowly whittle myself down to where I'm supposed to be. I've already lost 6.4% of my body mass. My BMI HAD been 35.9. It's now 34.1. Big change? Not really. But, small bites eat the Tofurkey. The journeys of a thousand miles begin and continue with a series of single steps. I...WE...are a work in progress.
Oh; I'd mentioned "Nootch." If I haven't said it before, Red Star Vegetarian Support Nutritional Yeast (Nootch) is how we vegans get our B12, a necessary nutrient. It tastes pretty darned good, too.
That's the news from Carlisle: Persevere. Have patience. Have faith. Share love. Practice stewardship.
I am proof that pretty much anyone can beat what's holding them down, and do SOMETHING to enhance their existence. Eat a little better, do a little more...we are not helpless! Rise up, be strong, and share the joy we're destined to experience!
Be well; practice peace; see y'all at the next one.
Truth be told, I'm waiting. Waiting for the big, bright, pink cloud to pop like a cheap balloon. It's always that way. Pretty much everyone drops a mad ton of weight in the beginning, then plateaus off to a trickle. "That LAST ten pounds is on me like fur on a weasel." But you know what? That's tomorrow. Next week. Next month. If I work the steps, follow my program, and trust God, I can DO this. I can, because I KNOW I can do all things through He who is within me! 2 Corinthians 12:9 says so. I can slowly whittle myself down to where I'm supposed to be. I've already lost 6.4% of my body mass. My BMI HAD been 35.9. It's now 34.1. Big change? Not really. But, small bites eat the Tofurkey. The journeys of a thousand miles begin and continue with a series of single steps. I...WE...are a work in progress.
Oh; I'd mentioned "Nootch." If I haven't said it before, Red Star Vegetarian Support Nutritional Yeast (Nootch) is how we vegans get our B12, a necessary nutrient. It tastes pretty darned good, too.
That's the news from Carlisle: Persevere. Have patience. Have faith. Share love. Practice stewardship.
I am proof that pretty much anyone can beat what's holding them down, and do SOMETHING to enhance their existence. Eat a little better, do a little more...we are not helpless! Rise up, be strong, and share the joy we're destined to experience!
Be well; practice peace; see y'all at the next one.
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