Hey; how was YOUR week? No, really, I'd like to hear.

Too often, I'm over-engaged with how *I'm* doing, what *I'm* feeling. I forget that I have two ears and only ONE mouth for a reason. It would be nice to hear from you, my readers, once in a while. Truth be told, it's been a turbulent month; some personal issues, some church issues, and, in full accordance with my addictive nature, I internalize and have the tendency to flip my $#!t, all up inside my head. And, while sticking to my allotted 2,000 calories/day (plus extra exercise-earned ones) I've noticed that I binge-eat the last calories of the day. So, a little distracting news would be nice. 

I was at a Big Book meeting a while ago, and, inspired by the show of hands of those "willing and able to sponsor a fellow sufferer," I approached a gentleman in regards to my program. We hit it off well. I began, in earnest, to read both the 12 and 12, and the Big Book. I began to read and consider the Little Red Book. It was made glaringly clear that the troubles I'd been internalizing are not my fault, not my circus, not my monkeys. God has granted me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Now, it's up to me to embrace that serenity, courage and wisdom, and the only way I can do that is through constant contact with AA, my sponsor and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

 I recently suggested that someone I know check out the Tables; not make any admissions of powerlessness, just listen. Give it a week...a month...a season? If nothing else, the Steps and Traditions are a pretty good set of rules by which to live. I was told that the Program doesn't work. Maybe I misunderstood what was said. Maybe the heated quality of the conversation changed the way the words sounded. But I heard "It just doesn't work." I was saddened. Almost to tears. As if I'd been called a liar. But then I remembered what Julie P once told me: "When the time isn't right, nothing you can say is helpful. When the time IS right, anything you can say will be helpful."

I guess I have to wait until the right time. Meanwhile, I work all my programs, all my addiction recovery efforts the same way. I keep telling myself that "If I stray, I'll die." Oh, to be sure, I'm headed toward a dirt-nap someday. We all are. But I can control (to some degree) whether it's with dignity or ignominy. I can die sober, or I can clean. I can die straight, or high. I can die of any of a bazillion ineluctable causes, or I can die from morbid obesity. I'll hedge on the side of "ineluctability." Way less predictable, way more fun. 

 *   *   *   *   *

I don't know whether I mentioned it before or not, but if you're vegan, Kroger has a swell couple of vegan protein powders for us. They come in chocolate (EXCELLENT when blended with a banana and a pinch of cinnamon) and vanilla (also excellent with a banana, and/or some frozen berries.) They're sold in the Supplements section, with the rest of the milk-based protein powders. It's important to maintain proper nutrition while in the weight-loss process. If you exercise and don't replace protein, your body will cannibalize your muscle mass, and thereby weaken you. Also, you'll cannibalize calcium stores. Work with your family doctor (I work with my civilian MD, my VA MD and two rheumatologists to make sure my body isn't going into a flat spin.)

No official 5K's this week. I have done one unofficial one, walking the track at the Coffman Family YMCA (it IS fun to play at the YMCA!) and a couple 2-milers on the track, as well. We even went out to dinner with some super friends, Pam and Rick, and I ate like there was a feedbag on my face. Still, when I stepped on the scale this week, I'd lost. As a matter of fact, I had lunch out with my sponsor, too, and was a little surprised that I'd lost weight this week. Here: have a look.      

Down another 1.2#, for a total of 29.3#.

This keeps up, I'll have lost over thirty pounds by Christmas. I called my Mom this week, back in Connecticut. She got to telling me, every time I showed up, "Please! If you love me, PLEASE, Darling, lose that belly fat! Your heart...oh, what it's doing to your heart." Well, ladies and gents, the SHOCK in her voice when I was able to tell her that I was down almost thirty pounds! Oh, the happiness. She lost one son to heart disease; she needn't lose another. How nice it was to make my Mom that happy. 

So, that's it from the little tri-level in the country. If something here inspires you, run with it. If it angers you, let me know why. If I was going to gently suggest any takeaways, they would be: 

1) Don't internalize. SHARE. 

2) Pray (The Serenity Prayer works well)

3) Anything you do to change for the better is positivity in motion

Questions? Comments? Exhortations? Bring them on! I'd love to hear from you. And...

Be well; practice peace; I'll see you at the next one.

...and, when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.

Another weigh-in completed. 228.2#. Same clothes, same scale. No 5K's this week. No one-milers. Just working the program. Being conscientious.

I DO have to confess, however. "Tell on myself," as we say around the Tables. One night this week, I got up inside my head, and binged. I ate after I'd closed my food diary. Went back to the same watering hole: got out of bed, went downstairs and grabbed the newspaper, and ate, almost right out of the refrigerator. I DID, however, have the sense to measure my gluttony, and as soon as Dawn woke up the next day, I spilled the beans. I told her everything. And entered my food consumption into my food diary. Got my "white chip," as it were.

And went RIGHT back to counting my calories again. And walking the malls. Because one slip doesn't spell failure.

So, back into it, we go. Because, as the Tenth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous (and, pretty much every other step-based fellowship of recovery) advises, "...and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (More on the Steps, in a bit.)

I was kinda "NPO" for my periodontal cleaning, Friday. I was REALLY "NPO" for my colonoscopy, Monday (TMI? I think not. There's nothing to be afraid of, getting a colonoscopy. Simple, death-defying act, to detect one of the slowest-growing, most easily treated cancers. A cancer that ravaged my Dad for two decades. I did it and I'm glad: even the "suspicious areas" which HAD been evident are now cleared up, thank you, Jesus!) Hence, the following photograph:

Yes; that says "226.1." Meaning a 26.1# loss since September 28th. Clear fluids for 24 hours and purgative medications for the next 12 makes for a light weigh-in. BAM! Total loss for the last two weigh-ins? 6.3#.

Now, rest assured, there have been NO "NPO" holidays for this blogger since the last one. I like food. I like to eat. A LOT. But, again, I've come to realize that what I eat, and when I eat it, are very important factors. Oh, yeah: Performance-enhancing substances don't hurt, either.

That's right. Water. Benefits: hydration, removal of toxins from the body, and beats the hell out of energy drinks and electrolyte replacers, when consumed in conjunction with a proper diet.and other factors. Side effects? Habit-forming. Easy to sneak. Readily available.  And, all in all? I'm NOT hungry at all. At all. As a matter of fact, in discussing my lab work with my VA rheumatologist, she said I've a few indicators that lean toward the "remarkable" end of the spectrum. I SHOULD be suffering from a few more symptoms of the three (yeah, THREE, count 'em) types of arthritis with which I've been diagnosed. But, a plant-based diet appears to have countered those nasties.

Pretty good two weeks, I'd say. I didn't walk as much; but the other day I pulled a 5K practice run at the gym; tonight, I did two miles. Earned enough calories to treat myself to a bowl of popcorn. Did you know that air-popped popcorn is only 31 calories a cup? That means a bowl of popcorn comes in at about 270 calories. Kinda steep for a snack, but, when I've met or exceeded all my nutritional requirements for the day, and STILL have over 700 calories left on my bindle... 270 calories isn't really that bad at all.

*sigh* Life is grand. 
 
That does it for this sitting. It's Monday night; my unofficial weight this morning was 219 and change. Yes, I've broken (again, unofficially) the 220# barrier for the first time in almost 6 years. God is good; I'm inspired, I'm happy, getting more healthy, and feeling good about food choices for the first time in a very long time.

Be well; practice peace, and I'll see you at the next one.

Thanksgiving and more

Well, then! Happy belated Thanksgiving!

We had a super day. I weighed in on November 21st to discover my weight has dropped, officially, to 232 pounds: down 2.7 pounds for the week, and a total loss of 22.4 pounds. And that was before the Big Day.

On Wednesday, a bunch of us veterans and special guests had got together for an incredible meal, presented by one of our Coast Guard brothers. A fish fry. Robin fishes far and wide, and brought in pike, walleye, bluegill... There were deep-fried mushrooms and hand-cut onion rings, and all sorts of goodies. For the Princess and me, Robin graciously pre-prepared the vegan goodies, all before the fish. Good-hearted man, he is.

Now, that was Wednesday. We'd winced at that. "If this is the "pre-game show," what's Thanksgiving going to look like?"

Thanksgiving looked like this: The alarm woke us at about 0630. We dressed warmly, sucked down a fast protein shake, broke out our hand warmers, and Dean brought us down to the Miamisburg Turkey Trot.

It was Aiden's first "on-foot" event. (He'd done the Jingle Bell Run in 2012, in a stroller. Hey, at 2 years old, he didn't want to pass up and embarrass his old Papi.) He even got the race bib, the 'brandanna,' and the official Turkey Trot hoodie. Cute kid. Takes after his Mommy, Dawn. We finished the event, a one-mile speed-walk, and then Dean brought us home, so we could face the oven and the stove. I never changed out of my sweats; too much to do: oven-roast the brussels sprouts, boil up the vegan "dirty" mashed potatoes (recipe courtesy of our boy, Steven) and warm up the vegan focaccia and and other goodies. Dawn had already baked the pumpkin-based brownies (fresh pumpkin from #kleathers) and I'd baked a stupendous veggie Wellington (OMG!!!!) Sis had made the vegan dressing and other sides: the famous Cheese Ball and Pumpkin Roll; Dean and Scarlett brought their specialties. The rest of the family had their turkey and pies. (I don't even apologize for not being excited about non-vegan food. It just doesn't blow my skirt up anymore.) And, a splendid time was had by all. Then Nichole, Dyllan and Amelia went to their other family gatherings; Lauren and Joe to theirs. By 4:00 or so, desserts eaten and last glasses almost drained, the house was cooling down and becoming quiet. I went out to vacuum the car and start packing; filled  the cooler and...bang, off to Connecticut.

We drove for five hours. Stopped in Pennsy for the night and slept like the dead. An early wake-up, again, and the road beckoned. By about 2:00, we were knocking on Mom's door: "Surprise, Ma! We were in the neighborhood, and..."

We met up with Mark and Melissa, then took off for dinner at one of Mom's favorite places, Mykonos in Danbury. (Slippery slope, eating out!) We shared a lovely meal, hugged and kissed, then...off to the Danbury Fair Mall. Yes, the mall. See, Dawn had met or exceeded her MyFitnessPal steps challenge for over 90 days at that point. I wasn't one to jack that up. So, two miles in the mall, like salmon swimming against human rapids, in Black Friday crowds. LMAO! We should have got extra steps for that, I tell ya!

Next morning, coffee with my niece Jen, ALL in the dark, as it were; on the DL. See, it was the weekend of her hubby, Rick's big birthday. He could NOT know we were onsite until zero hour. Then back to Mom's for a lunch date: Augie's, another favorite place she and Dad used to frequent. (See? ANOTHER restaurant meal. Try keeping track of THOSE calories, accurately!) Then, my brother quips, "Hey, Nicholas is off at Stewie's, playing 'Santa Claus' for the kiddies..." Well, here's the thing: YEARS ago, Nicholas planted the seed of an idea in my head, that turned into my having been a clown for over 30 years. I'd only seen Nicholas ONE other time, between that fateful first meeting, and now. I can assure you, I cried on Santa's shoulder, in gratitude. AND, got a nice family pic, to boot!

 
Mark, my younger brother, and his wife, Melissa, are on the left. Nicholas towers over (who DOESN'T tower over Mom?) and Mom in the center. Dawn and me on the right. Then, to the mall again. Yeah, all that "road food," all that sitting in the car...not good. Time for another two mile quick-step. After that, a short nap at the motel, and off to Rick's party. It was a busy night: talking with all those people who love Rick and Jennifer so well; talking with Danielle and Natalie's friends who were SO interested in my Kennedy Valve fire hydrant photo collection. There was quite enough incredible, delicious vegan food for us to enjoy, much to the diligence and compassion of Jennifer. (LOTS of MyFitnessPal tracking, there!) I didn't get ANY pictures of our families together, much to my chagrin. But, I caught Rick telling a story:

And, then: the trip back to Ohio. We'd done the trip to the Nutmeg State in two legs; the trip back? One shot. Several long, dreary hours in the car. During which we laughed, giggled, recounted the weekend, solved the world's troubles, and enjoyed the company of our lifemates. See, the anniversary date was looming: we needed to make plans for that. 

Sunday night, back in the loving bosom of our family, we relaxed. Then Dawn and I hit the Leslie Sansone video, and worked out for half an hour, to keep that steps-goal streak running. Then, we looked at that scale with fear in our eyes. Sunday is Dawn's official weigh-in day. Mine, being Wednesday, makes our scale "unofficial." She stepped carefully thereupon, and...

...had LOST WEIGHT! Holiday munching, sedentary (non-workout, except for power-walking and "Leslie time") and she'd lost. See? We're not "dieting!" We're MONITORING our intake, and MOVING. And, little by little...losing!

I'm fond of doing my "unofficial weights" in the morning. So, Monday *I* stepped on the scale. By gum, it showed a loss! 1.7 pounds down. How the...? Because I can assure you, Brothers and Sisters, Vegetable Wellington is NOT a fat-free food.  Steven's "dirty" mashed potatoes are NOT carb-friendly. But...monitoring the intake, and staying within the prescribed guidelines makes a difference. Really. I'm reminded of something I see on the walls of pretty much every Meeting place I've ever had the pleasure to have visited. It's a prescription pad reproduction written by a certain Robert Holbrook Smith: "Trust God; Clean House; Help others."

So: I'm trusting God to help me through the weak places in my programs (you DO remember that I'm in recovery.) I'm cleaning house (eliminating gratuitous calories, especially in the form of added sugars and (God help me!) soda pop. And, if this blog can do anything, I hope it inspires others to do something they've been meaning to do, but felt unable.

YOU. *ARE.* ABLE!

YOU. ARE. *ENOUGH.*

Trust. You can do it. If anyone had told me in September that I'd be losing over 20 pounds before Christmas, I'd have laughed in your face. Now, I'm still laughing, make no mistake. But it's because I can see my feet without pulling my gut in. Wow; feet are unattractive. LMAO!

So; that was like, two weeks ago. And, in the meanwhile, I hopped onto the VA scale again. On November 28th, I weighed 232 pounds. Even after the 'whiplash' week, I weighed 2 pounds less. What. The HECK!!! Yeah, I hear you: "YOU did it, YOU Lost the weight!"

True: it's MY mouth, MY fork, MY choices, MY Garmin, MY MyFitnessPal.

But it's *MY God* who is rescuing me from my addiction to food. It's MY savior that's making the difficult choices a piece of (metaphoric, vegan) cake. I go to church once a week; I attend bible study once a week. Both Pastor Ed and Pastor Larry bring His word to life in such a way as it applies to my existence in a clear and colorful, appropriate way. The lessons of gratitude, sharing, mission of helpfulness, unconditional love...it's hard to hear, and NOT share. Praise God.

And, speaking of praising and thanking an AWESOME God, I did happen to mention our anniversary, no? Dawn and me. Sixteen years of crazy, happy love. And, for our anniversary celebration? The Jingle Bell 5K. We did that run for our anniversary in 2012, as well. I trained/prepared myself for it by doing a 5k at the Towne Mall earlier last week, and at the Dayton Mall, as well. Funny thing, I kept remembering back to early October, when Dawn convinced me that we should do ONE MILE around Roscoe Roof park, one Sunday. And I was GASPING. If I'd had more time, I could have pushed those 5k's to maybe 6k...7k?  

Yes, another 5K. In 40 degree weather. In the rain. In (non-aerodynamic) ponchos. NOT my very best time. As a matter of fact, ten minutes behind Dawn's finish. But, I came in fifth in my division. (Out of only FIVE guys, but hey! I got my name on a board. LOL!) And we raised about $70 for the Arthritis Foundation. Neither feats being barn-burners, but...we DID it. I did it. I am off the couch, I was out from in front of the boob tube. Even these small things are praiseworthy, if you know Who to praise. And, Psalms 9:1 is a perfect place to start:  

"I will give thanks to You, oh Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wondrous deeds!"

Please consider this an invitation to share in the season of joy and praise, the season of giving thanks. If I had to make a list of things for which I'm thankful, I'd break the internet. And I'm not a quarter bright, so 'remembering' isn't a strong suit in my head. I'll just start at the start, and add on as I go. The ending? None in sight. The joy is in the journey, and the journey? Guided by God. I'm thinking that if I wanna fill my mouth, it should be with thanks and praise. Zero calories; maximum benefits.

Be well; practice peace, and I'll see you at the next one.